The last few weeks have felt like a “two steps forward one step back” dance with processing my grief which explains why I haven’t been posting much.
Everyone expects that grief will be hard emotionally. I just really had no concept of how physically hard it would be to deal with grief. I feel like I will never get past feeling fatigued. It ranges from mildly tired to deep-in-my-bones exhaustion. I’m seeing a naturopath for help with this. So slowly things are improving, but I think I’m going to be dealing with the fatigue for a while yet.
This means I have to constantly make choices about where my energies will be spent. And while I enjoy posting on this blog, I’m afraid it’s rather low on the priority list of where to put my energies. Thank you everyone for your patience. I have ideas and plans in my head and someday they’ll get worked out here.
My wrists are nearly healed now. It is such a blessing to be able to play the piano for longer than two minutes without pain.
My temperature blanket is coming along nicely although slowly. I was so excited because I was only a couple of weeks behind only to realize that I had made a mistake three days back. I have to rip out six rows (two per day) to fix the problem. However, I tried to see the silver lining. I was able to lay the blanket out flat and measure it. Right now It’s 57″ wide with the border I plan to add it will be about five feet wide when it’s finished. As near as I can figure it will be between six and seven feet long. I’m happy with this size.
I also was able to get my gallery wall up. I spent a small fortune on command hooks. They are a wonderful invention. Every time I walk down the stairs it makes me so happy to see my pictures up. I still have a decorative “S” that I want to add – first I have to find it (sigh).
There’s still a lot of snow here, but we can feel spring coming. The temperature is warming up and slowly the snow is going away. I’m looking forward to going for walks and bike rides. Maybe having a small container garden on our back deck. I’m not a fantastic gardener, but I do enjoy it.
I don’t surf the internet as much as I used, but I have pinned a few things the past couple of weeks that have caught my eye.
First, there is this chicken dish. We eat chicken a couple of times a week so I enjoy finding new ways to serve it. I think I’m going to be trying this next week.
These sewn rose embellishments look so pretty. I think they would make a nice gift.
This chickpea version of a raw cookie dough treat has me intrigued.
I want to try this jam idea because I could eat jam guilt-free. I like that they grind the chia seeds. Whole chia seeds, to me, are off-putting.
Finally, I love this idea for a quilt. I really want to do this. It’s on my “someday” list. Lots of hand sewing, but if you’re not in a rush that can be very relaxing.
Now for the “special” days. My little boys always ask me what day it is – not meaning the day of the week or date but what is being celebrated.
- Saturday – March 24 – National Chocolate-Covered Raisin Day (Oh yeah!)
- Sunday – March 25 – Waffle Day (Who doesn’t love waffles?!)
- Monday – March 26 – Make Up Your Own Holiday Day (my little guys will love this)
- Tuesday – March 27 – Spanish Paella Day (not sure if we’ll be doing this)
- Wednesday – March 28 – Something on a Stick Day (I’m thinking fudgsickles)
- Thursday – March 29 – National Mom-and-Pop Business Owner’s Day
- Friday – March 30 – Take a Walk in the Park Day (this should be easy)
I hope you have a wonderful week.
Intentional Simplicity 
I continue to pray for you. Grief is so difficult to deal with. When I could prepare myself because I knew something was going to trigger it, I did much better. Other times, something would pop into my life and cause deep sadness to surface and send me into tears.
I was able to return to college during my worst time. This really helped me because the people I was in classes with had no idea of the tragedy of my father’s murder, the trial, etc. that I was dealing with. I could stay immersed in something that had nothing to do with my grief. Then, I could choose when I wanted to sort through the details and deal with my thoughts and emotions. I will pray for you to find ways to cope and have a way to find time to focus on something new that won’t trigger the waves of grief. You have been through so much.
I always remember that God wastes nothing! My life took a turn that was unexpected about 6 months into my grieving process. God gave me a platform to share my testimony with others. When I could see the good that sharing my experiences did to help others, I was better able to deal with my thoughts and emotions.
I know that having your children are a great comfort. But, dealing with so much that you were able to share with your husband in the past only serves as a constant reminder of your loss. I will pray that you will find ways to prepare for times that will trigger the emotions of grief. It will take time, but it will get better. The memories will bring joy and not sadness. Loosing your husband is much different than loosing parents, but God is faithful and He will see you through even during your times of loneliness. He will turn your mourning into joy and build a future for you that you could never have imagined.
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Thank you, Pam, for your words of encouragement. I’m sure I will be re-reading them in the weeks to come when I’m feeling down.
I can honestly by God’s grace say that God is good all the time. I don’t have to understand why He allows sorrow in our life to know that He is good and only desires what is best for us.
Thank you also for your prayers because I know that sometimes when I can’t pray myself God uses the prayers of others to carry me through.
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