Homeschooling, as I have been finding out to my great surprise, is not for the faint of heart. Actually, nothing about motherhood is for the faint of heart. Sometime in the dim past I thought being a mom would be so easy. I loved babies and children. I had lots of experience with babysitting. I knew how to cook. I had this down cold. Then I had my first baby. Suddenly I realized that I knew so very little, and that while babysitting is good experience it doesn’t even come close to preparing someone for being a 24/7 mommy.
Flash forward fifteen years and eight babies. I know so much more, but the most important thing I’ve learned is how little I really know. Baby #7 was and still is a huge challenge. Adding him to our school life took so much energy because he only wanted human arms – no swings, baby rockers, etc. Thankfully I had long since been comfortable wearing my babies so that helped. Still though it’s tiring to teach five children of various ages, keep a preschooler happy and wear a baby. By the end of the 2011-2012 school year I was a little tired of school. Of course, my newest pregnancy was probably contributing to the fatigue.
I started school a couple of weeks earlier than usual in August 2012 so we could take extra time off when our new baby arrived sometime around the end of the year. Things were going pretty well until I started having complications with the pregnancy in late October and had to severely cut back on outings, housework, any activity really. After a difficult two months we finally welcomed our new little one just before 2013 started.
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| at 10 pounds they’re still small |
My toddler was not impressed with our new addition, who incidentally has been our easiest baby. He is happy and laid back with a beautiful dimple in each cheek. However, I was tired – tired of school, tired of always trying to figure out why my toddler was crying this time, tired of marking papers and being on a schedule, tired of never having time to sew, just plain tired. I don’t know if this was burnout or just some heavy post partum fatigue due to a difficult third trimester.
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| check out the dimples |
When school ended in early June I think I was happier than all of our children combined. Usually we do a little math three to four days a week just to keep up on the basics. This summer I decided that we’d just do some extra review in the fall. Then the reading lessons I was doing with my kindergartener slowly petered out over the summer. It was only about twenty minutes in the morning, but it started to feel like a burden.
I finally decided I needed to give myself some grace. It’s okay if my children forget a few facts over the summer. It’s perfectly fine if it takes my third son a little longer to learn how to read than it did his older siblings. If I want to sew because I enjoy it that’s okay too – especially since so much of what I make is for my children anyway. I needed to try to not be so perfect for a while.
You know how it is. You read this and that blog. Their lives look so perfect and you think you have to implement ideas x, y and z to be the perfect mother. But that is such an unattainable goal. I needed to give myself the grace to quit trying to be perfect or to implement every idea that I thought would make our lives easier. I needed to relax and enjoy my family. So that’s what I did this summer.
I did so much sewing. I love to sew and was surprised at how much I accomplished when I gave myself permission to just go at it. I went on errands with my husband when he was off work…something I can’t do during the school year. Who knew grocery shopping could be a date? It was fun. We enjoyed lots of time together this summer. I let thoughts for a new chore system perk in my brain until I came up with something workable the week before we started school. And I slowly here and there started preparing for a new school year but without much enthusiasm.
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| one of my sewing projects |
About two days before we were to start school I was finally getting excited. The children were excited to start a new year. My toddler is settling down so much. He’s easier to keep occupied and the baby has worked into our school life quite easily.
So I’ve come to the conclusion that I should have given myself a dose of grace a long time ago. I’m so much more relaxed now than I was just a few months ago. I feel like I’ve had a fresh start. Our first week of school has been the best week I remember having in a long time. I had been feeling like I couldn’t go on with homeschooling, but now I think I’m ready for another good long while. That’s a good thing since I probably have almost another twenty years of it.
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| getting set up |
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| starting her Bible lesson |
Next time I’m feeling burned out I’m going to step back and see where I need to introduce some grace into my life.
How has homeschooling gone for you? Have you felt burned out and what helped?
Intentional Simplicity 
You have your hands full to the brim and as many persons have agreed, you needed to do something for you, and it made a huge difference to how you felt. You are giving all the time so it’s good to be able to find a balance where you step back and rejuvenate yourself. You sound like a wonderful, loving mother and wife!
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I am planning to homeschool but that is still a little while out for us. However, I do know the feeling of pushing myself too far in the pursuit of perfection. It is very true when they say “If Momma isn’t happy, nobody is happy.” I’ve learned to take time for myself and my needs, even if it occasionally means that my children’s needs wait an extra moment or two.
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Yvonne – Finding that balance is so hard, but I keep trying.Andrea – It’s true. If I’m cranky it trickles down to everyone, and since one of my children’s needs is to have a happy mom I shouldn’t feel guilty about taking some time to make that happen.
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Hi Jennifer. Great post. My only child, a daughter, is now 32 years old so I have no little ones in the house to home school. When she was very little, I wanted to home school her. However, we lived in California at the time and, by law, you had to be a certified teacher in order to home school. Well, that left me out.I heard something this weekend about facebook, and I would probably add pinterest, being the cause of depression. As I read your post, I can see how that can happen. It was bad enough when we, as women, compared ourselves to another sister at church who seemed to have it all together. I say ‘seemed’ because we never know what is going on behind her closed doors. Now, we are comparing ourselves to millions of other women by a tiny glimpse into their life. We look at their great recipes or housekeeping ideas on facebook or pinterest and think that they have it all together. Guess what. They probably aren’t any more all together than we are. So, yes, Jennifer, I agree with you that we need to give ourselves more grace and do it often. We will never win the battle if we compare ourselves to others. We do not know what is going on in their lives. We cannot assume because they make this one perfect recipe that everything in their life is perfect. It isn’t. They have problems just like we do. They have challenges that try them, just like we do. So, we only need to compare ourselves to ourselves. Are we progressing? Are we living a Christ centered life? Are we caring for our families with love?Are we doing the best we can under our current circumstances?These questions can help guide us as we move forward. And then, of course, we must ask our loving Heavenly Father for his help to do those things that he would have us do.Thank you Jennifer for this great post and reminder.
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Regina – It’s so true what you said. We need to just make sure that we are doing what the Lord wants us to do and that we’re doing the best we can at that. I pray so much for wisdom. I truly underestimated how difficult motherhood would be, but I still love it.
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I admire you. I can not imagine homeschooling just my one child, let alone eight children all at different ages. I know that I could never do it.I considered homeschooling for about 30 seconds and realized that it was just more than I could handle.
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I agree, we know it all before we are in it. I too loved kids and babysat since a very young age. I wanted 5 boys and 1 girl. I had my first baby and she was a very difficult infant. Not at all the experience that I expected but wouldn’t change any of it.
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I have homeschooled my two boys from the beginning. They are in highschool and college now, both still being schooled at home. I have loved it. However, over the years, I would have worries that I wasn’t doing enough, or teaching them what they were supposed to learn at that particular time. I really had frazzled moments. But I have learned that I worried for nothing and that my boys have become very mature, respectful, intelligent, God fearing young men. I thank God everyday for them and the opportunity he gave me to homeschool them.
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I enjoyed your post! I think we as moms all do this – place WAY too high of expectations on ourselves sometimes. I know I do. I love to paint and create, and I get that frustrated feeling, too – when there’s too much housework or homework to have time to do it. It helps so much just to give myself time to do something that I enjoy. Have a great school year!
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dogtrainingathometips – That is my prayer that our children grow up to be God-fearing, honest, productive and happy. Thanks for the encouragement.Kristen – I think that’s why sewing is such a good hobby for me because I can do something for me but also for my family – it feels good.
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Grace is such a beautiful thing and one of the best gifts offered by the Lord. I am always in awe of women who home school. It takes a certain type of woman to be able to do that. From what I read, I bet you are a great example of a proverbs wife. It’s one of the best compliments I can give someone. =)) craftingafairytale.blogspot.com
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Thank you, Tiffany. I hold Proverbs 31 up as a goal to keep striving for.
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What a wonderful post, grace is so important, to give to ourselves and to others!Your children are blessed to have you as their mom!
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I was homeschooled from 4th to11th grade, and I LOVED it! Yes, there were days that my Mom was really tired, and we were all ready for the school year to be over, but I would never want it to be any different. 🙂 Thank you for posting!
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Nancy, Thank you for your kind words. It is easier to be gracious if we’re not worn out because we took a little time for ourselves.Ashley, What a great testimony. I know for the most part my children enjoy being homeschooled. After all what’s not to like about wearing your comfiest clothes to school and not worrying about what your hair looks like. 🙂
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Thank you so much for sharing your story! It’s always interesting to me to hear about families that home school because that isn’t what my family did and I know very few families that had home schooled their children. It sounds like you did need a little bit of a break though and I’m glad to hear that you allowed yourself to have it!
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Grace is something we all need to remember to give ourselves daily. It’s easy to look at some moms and think they have it together and get down on ourselves because we feel like we don’t. We need to be reminded that we’re just doing the best we can and that’s all we can do. And, as I recently learned, you may think you look like a mess (which is totally fine) but to someone else, you look like you have it all together. Perception is an amazing thing.
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WOW! You’re really BRAVE! I’ve toyed with the idea of homeschooling but never got around doing it….. You are so committed. Lucky Kids!
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While I’m not a homeschooler, this post reminds me to extend grace to others and to myself. Everything does not need to be perfect all the time! Thanks for sharing!
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My husband and I don’t have kids yet but I still need to remember to give myself grace sometimes too. No one can do it all and that is perfectly okay! I’m glad to hear that you have found a way to relax more, you deserve it, especially when you care for your kids so much.
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YES! We need to give ourselves that grace. Reading this made me a little nervous though. We’re switching to year-round homeschooling in May. I’m doing it to give us some breathing room within the year. I guess my reasoning is similar to what you expressed… I need to give myself grace but often we’re under strict deadlines to get everything done for the summer. I hope it ends out working well for us because I really feel like I/we need it.
Thanks for sharing and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop.
Wishing you a lovely day.
xoxo
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I think every homeschool family has to find the rhythm that works for them. I’m sure you’ll be able to do that.
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